I smell stomach acid.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
