Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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