Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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