he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
