I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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