i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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