if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
