i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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