Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Nicole vs. Life
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
