Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
