I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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