im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
4 words: hood of his car
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
