i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
