we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
