Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
i think i just lost a toe
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
