meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
