Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
