Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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