We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
