so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
