I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
