ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
you had me at cake vodka
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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