I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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