my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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