Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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