Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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