Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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