I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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