it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
try to milk me bitch
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize