She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
