Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Sober January is a disaster.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
