Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
