Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
