are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
