If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize