of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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