Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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