I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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