are you so shy because you have an std?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
