I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
