Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
