Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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