She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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