We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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