a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
