The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
