is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
