But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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