Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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