Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize