At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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