It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Drake has all the answers
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
