my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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