How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
