you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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