In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
