There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
