she was so not down for the gang bang
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
