Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
