I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize