her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
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