Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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