I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize