I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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