also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he shaved USA in his pubs
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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