she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
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