apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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