no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
