"it" just moved
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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