piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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