Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
