what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
