dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
