He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
