my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
