How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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