critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
