a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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