It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
