I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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