I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
