Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
