i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
