Jerry, you need to find god
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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