I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
