i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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