No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
