i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
