The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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